Comfortably numb
I was recently telling someone that I have the fear every time I speak in public, and they were surprised to hear this. It’s something I know about myself and I also know that once I relax and get into it, I get a real buzz and enjoy myself. The difference between now and 10 years ago is that I am acknowledging those feelings and understanding they are part of who I am. Rather than pushing them away and pretending they don’t exist. I like to reframe my fear as evidence that I care, that I care about doing the best I can and having a positive impact. In Gestalt coaching, we talk about anxiety being suppressed excitement and I think it is just that!
We can stay in a zone of comfort but we would miss out on so much and just because there are difficult emotions, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. If we want to grow and be curious, we have to step into discomfort. As Susan David says, “Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.” So we need to be with those feelings and work out what they’re telling us.
In my own journey of self-awareness, I am more aware of my feelings – I feel them deeply, see them as data and know that this is a natural part of life. I recall many years ago, I went to an induction at my local reservoir. We were asked if anyone was anxious and my hand went straight up whilst a room full of triathletes sat there looking unphased. I have retold this story several times, and everyone says to me, of course some of them were scared, they just didn’t want to admit it. In acknowledging my emotions, being vulnerable and admitting how I feel, it can feel isolating and scary but the more I do it, the more I invite others to be more open and vulnerable and the better the connection is. And what would life be without those amazing connections!
We could remain comfortably numb but we would miss out on the full richness of life. If we acknowledge what we are feeling, we can also think about what we can do to prepare ourselves, whether that is physical, mental or emotional preparation.
So how can we embrace those emotions more fully and ensure we still push ourselves
- If I’m scared about something I love like an open water swim, it’s easy - I can imagine how amazing I will feel afterwards!
- Sometimes it can be helpful to know which bit is causing us discomfort. With public speaking, I tend to ensure I know my opening well as then I relax into it and the rest just flows
- I also think about what’s stopping me doing something and how I can counter that
- Or maybe it is just plain scary but if you don’t give it a go, you’ll never know. What’s the worst that can happen
- I find it helpful just to focus on myself and try to stop worrying about what others are thinking about me – most of us are with our own emotions so not interested in the other person!
- Mostly I think about how I’d like to live my life and what makes me come alive and if this is moving me in the right direction, that I know I should give it a go
So what’s the one small step you can take today to be a bit braver and live life to the full?


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