I’ve just come out of a busy few weeks of work. It is very easy in those times to wish away the days and weeks in search of a more balanced way of being. But life is rarely the balanced nirvana that we dream of. Whilst there were a few moments where I wished I had more hours in the day, I also noticed a few wonderful things about this period: My wordle scores improved with a huge spate of 2s – perhaps there was something about me being in the zone and focussed and needing to get it done quickly! I still managed to swim a lot. We say we are too busy to fit things in, but can often find time for the important stuff. Perhaps some of what we can’t fit in isn’t right for us? I was more aware of what I needed each week to connect with myself and others. Being busy made me prioritise what I wanted and needed and that meant that those moments of connection were very meaningful I scaled back social commitments to allow myself time to recharge but occasionally realised I needed that connection – this led to some impromptu meet ups and the joy in deciding to meet someone on the day is just lovely I enjoyed the adrenalin rush and the sense of achievement – good stress can be a helpful thing in giving you the impetus to get things done I was able to identify the areas of work where I particularly thrive. In moments of high stress, it is good to reflect on the things that are going well  Life is a constant journey and rarely quite goes the way we might expect so if we can welcome the waves, we might just find moments of energy, joy and clarity as we ride them.

I have recently returned from a wonderful time in New York with friends that I have known for 30 years. Because of our daily songlist and constant chat, I feel more connected to this group than ever before, despite our disparate locations of Ballarat, Glasgow, Paris and London. And what made the trip so magical was that we could delve into deeper enriching conversations without having to waste time on catching up on what we’ve all been doing for the past few years. It made me think about the challenges on building a culture in a hybrid world. A team might get together once a week and that time might be spent catching up and rebuilding the connection that is not there constantly. Or conversely everyone comes into the office and sits on Zoom calls all day so there isn’t much of an opportunity to connect with others. How do we constantly connect to our colleagues and maintain that connection? There’s not a magic bullet and it’s different for everyone but there are some things that you can think about: Think about touch points that you can create with colleagues, particularly those that don’t happen so naturally when people are working virtually. This could be drop in lunchtime open teams calls where people can say hello and chat or working with teams open so that you have colleagues to brainstorm with or use as a sounding board Ensure that there are enough check-in points for people to see how they are, not just to go through their workload Get to know colleagues and know their interests, hobbies so that you can connect on a personal level Be vulnerable and share highs and lows with colleagues Communicate more and particularly think about how you can support newer members of staff with their induction and learning. It can feel very daunting to have to constantly call your boss to ask questions on Teams so pre-empt this with more regular communication Think about how you can get the most value from being in-person and ensure you schedule activities that will continue to build a strong culture  Above all, talk to people and find out the best way to support them and stay connected to them. We don’t have to be mind readers, but we do need to communicate, listen and show empathy to forge those stronger connections

Last week I was happily ticking off on my habit tracker how many times I had swum and yet again I had hit my target. If you’re like me, there is a dopamine hit from ticking something off and feeling a sense of accomplishment – I know I’m not the only one to add something to my list just so that I can tick it off! However, I realised that my habit tracker needs to evolve. Swimming has become part of who I am. It is more than a habit, it’s an essential part of my week and my whole being. The only time I don’t swim is if I am sick or away and not near water! There are other habits that I haven’t fully adopted and that’s where my energy needs to lie if I want to continue to grow.  It's easy to set up goals or habits and when we reach them, we plateau for a bit as we are happily achieving what we set out to do. I’m all for celebrating our successes and in fact we don’t celebrate enough. Yet I know that there are other habits that are proving more difficult for me, and I’m guilty of riding the wave of knowing I have swum and walked 10,000 steps to mask the fact that some other habits have fallen by the wayside. I am trying to be more creative and to learn and grow as a coach. These two habits haven’t been as easy to embed perhaps because creativity can take many forms and it’s not as easy as deciding to swim in the morning. I’m also experimenting with what works for me. I know audio learning like podcasts suits me particularly when it’s something that I would like to absorb and reflect on. I am trying out different ways to incorporate this into my week and seeing which ones suit me, my lifestyle and can adapt depending on the week’s commitments. It’s not as satisfying as I’m not getting the satisfaction of ticking off every week, but I do learn something about what I’m enjoying or what is working for me and how I might want to adapt that going forward. So we could stay in our comfort zone and feel smug about the things we are automatically doing for our mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health or we could think a little bit harder about where to devote our energy to move one step forward to living a life with purpose. Where will you put your energy this week?

I’ve just read Do/Conversation by Robert Poynton. I was fascinated by the exploration of the complexity of conversation. He said “Conversation thrives on variety and no one does it quite like you. The aim isn’t to become good at conversation, it is to become good at being you, in conversation.” I LOVE this – so often we go into conversations with egos, agendas and feeling like we need to ‘win’ or be right. It can feel like a competition to get one up on the other person. There’s an exercise I run in workshops, where in pairs, one person talks about a passion and the other person can only affirm or repeat back what they hear – they are not allowed to add to it or talk about themselves. Every time I do it myself, I realise how quick we are to turn things around to be about ourselves and our own experiences. We think we are adding value by giving our perspective but is that always the case? Sometimes friends / colleagues do want advice, but more often we could be more present, listen more attentively and give them our full attention. Noticing what is said can take a conversation somewhere you never dreamed of going. I used to be the first person to speak up in a workshop because I wanted to fill the silence. It took me a long time to realise that silence is where the magic happens. To hold the silence can be so powerful and allows time to reflect, pause and formulate thoughts. Being more comfortable in that silence is very liberating. I was also reminded in the book of the importance of connecting and conversing in different ways with different people depending on what the purpose of the conversation is. I have a WhatsApp group with 5 university friends that started as a holiday. Through lockdown it became our daily check-in where we share a song that brings us joy. For all of us, it has become an important daily ritual to know that someone is there thinking of us. I love it because it feels like a group of friends that live together – we drop in and out of chat particularly because of time zones. You don’t have to participate in the conversation but if you need someone, they will be there for you. With other friends, we rarely WhatsApp but then pick up the phone and chat for hours. And conversations with strangers in the park can lead to great friendships and holiday buddies – I know from my own lockdown experience! It can feel daunting walking into a networking event or a party where you know no-one but embracing it and finding a way to connect with someone is a thing of beauty. Evidence suggests people are more open to random conversations than we anticipate – we just have to get over that initial moment of discomfort. And there are so many ways to do it. I remember being at a lunch where I was amazed how my colleague barely revealed anything about himself but fired a lot of questions at our lunch guest. If you are feeling nervous, the best thing you can do is listen, show interest and ask questions. I always come alive when someone is passionate about something, no matter what the subject matter. Most of all, if you go into conversations with a generous mindset, there is always something lovely that can happen – maybe you can change the course of someone’s day for the better. As Robert Poynton says “Conversation is a musical thing, like jazz or birdsong: more ‘call and response’ than question and answer. It enables us to travel great distances, but the joy is in the journey not the destination”  So how will you connect with someone today?

I was recently telling someone that I have the fear every time I speak in public, and they were surprised to hear this. It’s something I know about myself and I also know that once I relax and get into it, I get a real buzz and enjoy myself. The difference between now and 10 years ago is that I am acknowledging those feelings and understanding they are part of who I am. Rather than pushing them away and pretending they don’t exist. I like to reframe my fear as evidence that I care, that I care about doing the best I can and having a positive impact. In Gestalt coaching, we talk about anxiety being suppressed excitement and I think it is just that! We can stay in a zone of comfort but we would miss out on so much and just because there are difficult emotions, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. If we want to grow and be curious, we have to step into discomfort. As Susan David says, “Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.” So we need to be with those feelings and work out what they’re telling us. In my own journey of self-awareness, I am more aware of my feelings – I feel them deeply, see them as data and know that this is a natural part of life. I recall many years ago, I went to an induction at my local reservoir. We were asked if anyone was anxious and my hand went straight up whilst a room full of triathletes sat there looking unphased. I have retold this story several times, and everyone says to me, of course some of them were scared, they just didn’t want to admit it. In acknowledging my emotions, being vulnerable and admitting how I feel, it can feel isolating and scary but the more I do it, the more I invite others to be more open and vulnerable and the better the connection is. And what would life be without those amazing connections! We could remain comfortably numb but we would miss out on the full richness of life. If we acknowledge what we are feeling, we can also think about what we can do to prepare ourselves, whether that is physical, mental or emotional preparation. So how can we embrace those emotions more fully and ensure we still push ourselves If I’m scared about something I love like an open water swim, it’s easy - I can imagine how amazing I will feel afterwards! Sometimes it can be helpful to know which bit is causing us discomfort. With public speaking, I tend to ensure I know my opening well as then I relax into it and the rest just flows I also think about what’s stopping me doing something and how I can counter that Or maybe it is just plain scary but if you don’t give it a go, you’ll never know. What’s the worst that can happen I find it helpful just to focus on myself and try to stop worrying about what others are thinking about me – most of us are with our own emotions so not interested in the other person! Mostly I think about how I’d like to live my life and what makes me come alive and if this is moving me in the right direction, that I know I should give it a go  So what’s the one small step you can take today to be a bit braver and live life to the full?

I am in a period of change in my life and despite knowing that amazing things come from change, it can still feel unsettling. Last week I found myself flitting between activities because I didn’t know where to start – things felt a little overwhelming. What did I learn from this? Multitasking does no one any favours! Constantly moving between tasks only meant that my brain was continually switching and nothing was getting done well. I took a moment to step back and focus on what was important to achieve that day. I’ve started to look at how I can carve out my day more effectively I know from previous moments in my life that it can be difficult to stay motivated when you are in a new business phase. Tangible success takes time and for me that is the best way as it means I have built a meaningful relationship. However, I know that I thrive with some weekly targets, whether that’s networking, writing, proposals or updating my LinkedIn Celebrate the good stuff – last week when I was wondering why I am trying to move into a different workspace, I had a lovely reminder from someone I mentored 12 years ago about the impact I have had on his life and career. It reminded me why I do what I do Honour the emotions – I listened to myself and gave myself time and space to process the difficult emotions. I spent a long time in life, suppressing difficult emotions and in the last 7 years I have seen the value of sitting with those emotions and using them as data to learn and understand what I need in that moment I had to remind myself that the reason I am moving into a different phase is because I want to live fully and in line with my values and purpose. I have looked at my values and purpose in the last few weeks and realised that what I do is all about Connection :  Connection is at the heart of everything I do – connection to myself, my purpose, those around me and the world. I connect with kindness, creativity, integrity and respect. When I fully connect, I come alive and have the greatest impact in what I do. I help people connect to themselves, their purpose, their colleagues and their business as an Executive Coach, Consultant, Facilitator and Group Coach. I am particularly passionate about deepening self-awareness and improving emotional intelligence, which comes through in my blogs, speaking and workshops. I help people connect creatively with their audiences through events. I have run complex events and projects for corporate, governmental and charitable organisations ensuring what we do is always connected with your aims and objectives. I thrive on building communities through managing senior and varied stakeholder groups, as well as mentoring and inspiring teams. I am responsible for running strategic, operational, financial and creative areas of the business and I am very comfortable troubleshooting challenges along the way. I connect with my community by volunteering at WeSwim disabled swimming club, as a trustee at the Thames Festival Trust and a volunteer mentor for Creative Access. I connect with myself through my swimming - I love it! I am a keen open water swimmer and encourage everyone to find their own time each week to pause and reset. Connection is how and where I thrive. And when I was feeling overwhelmed last week, I realised that the only thing I needed to do was to fully connect – with myself through swimming and writing, with my friends through nourishing chats and hugs and with my business through pursuing opportunities to work where I can help people live with a greater purpose. It’s not rocket science yet in our busy lives, we often forget how to get back in tune with ourselves.

I recently had the privilege of a 3-week holiday, something I had not done for a long time. I always thought that my preferred formula for holidays was little and often. Yet I was blown away by the difference that a 3-week holiday made. It was transformational and I felt like I entered a completely new way of life. There was a sense of awe in discovering a new country and a new culture, there was daily joy and laugher and more meaningful conversations and opportunities to explore what was really on my mind. I know we don’t often have the luxury of that much time out but how can we create those moments in our daily lives? How do we create time and space to think, feel, breathe and open our eyes to the possibilities in front of us. I never feel like there are enough hours in the day and then I am starkly reminded of the fact that the average person spends 3 hours 15 minutes on their phone each day. Is there a way that we can be more meaningful with our time? Think about your overall goals for the day or the week. It is very easy to get bogged down in a huge to do list without stepping back and looking at your bigger goals. Do you want to reconnect with an old friend or spend more time outside or think about your next career step? Are you saying no to things that don’t serve you? I used to pride myself on responding quickly to invitations and my only check was whether I was free on that day. Now I think about my energy levels, what else I might have going on that week, whether I have swum enough and whether there are other priorities for the week that are more important to me at that moment. Are you creating enough time to sit and think and be at one with yourself? In a world where we have so much to do, it often feels like a luxury to sit and do nothing yet by doing just that, we can open up new thinking and possibilities. How can you embed habits to create that space in your week – my new intention is to try writing for 10 minutes post-swim when I am feeling energised. I realised that a holiday was the perfect excuse to do nothing – I had permission to slow down and experience the awe and joy around me which was so invigorating. We need to be self-compassionate and give ourselves permission each week to do just this. Since coming back, I’ve realised that I have a good self-care routine, but I don’t create enough dream and thinking time. I wonder why I’m not being more creative and then realise I am trying to cram my creativity into a 5-minute slot in my diary! So the invitation today is to think about how you can build a habit to connect with yourself fully – to think, to dream, to wonder, to create.  My coaching supervisor Kay recently quoted Parker Palmer and I think this is beautifully apt "The human soul doesn't want to be fixed, it simply wants to be seen and heard. The soul is like a wild animal - tough, resilient and shy. When we go crashing through the woods shouting for it to come out so we can help it, the soul will stay in hiding. But if we are willing to sit quietly and wait for a while, the soul may show itself".

It’s International Women’s Day this week and I do believe we can all support each other and value and celebrate our differences. I also think that sometimes we are self-defeating and don’t celebrate our own successes. We often speak more harshly to ourselves than we would if supporting a friend. There are many parts of me that I may criticise but most of them actually have a very positive aspect and make me me. So today I’m celebrating 10 things I haven’t always realised I love about me. 1.. I feel emotions deeply and get upset when friendships don’t work out. I used to be hard on myself about this and wonder why I couldn’t ‘just get over things’. But now I realise that by being open and vulnerable, I do feel things deeply yet on the flip side it leads to the most amazing connections. I can’t have one without the other and it is definitely worth it for those wonderful connections in my life. 2.. I am beyond ridiculous about being on time for everything. I now realise that this is linked to my number one value of respect. I hate being late because to me it feels disrespectful so it’s not because I’m a geek (well maybe that as well!) but it is to do with something hugely important to me. I think about how I can usefully spend those 15 minutes in reception more meaningfully as I do not want to change this about me. 3.. By being a giver in life, some people can take advantage. But being a giver brings me such joy and it’s a big part of who I am. I’ve learnt to say no sooner when things aren’t right, and I also know that my true friends give back in bounds. 4.. I still have a lot of fears around doing sport, but I’ve learnt through my swimming journey that I am very tenacious and resilient and push myself into my discomfort zone. The journey with sport has helped me conquer limiting beliefs in other areas of my life. 5.. I get really nervous before public speaking. Well doesn’t everyone? I like to think of it as a sign that I care – with the right amount of preparation, those nerves can be channelled for good. And guess what, I always enjoy it when I get going, so I’ve learnt to remind myself of that feeling and remember that the anticipation is often much worse than the thing itself. 6.. I find it hard to let things go if I know it can be done better. I see this as a sign of wanting to do the best and I’ve learnt to channel it into coaching questions for the team as well as challenging myself about whether I do actually know best. I know this can be for the greater good if my ego is in check. 7.. I find it hard not to organise things if they are a bit chaotic – is that interfering or is that helping out?! I have learnt not to fight my natural tendencies but to check that people would appreciate the help. I have also learnt that sometimes I have to step away. 8.. I don’t like confrontation and yet I often have difficult conversation at work. This has been excellent for me to find my own assertive way of having effective difficult conversations that suit my personality type. I don’t shy away from conflict, but I know I need to find a respectful empathetic way of having the conversation. 9.. I am often the person that people open up to and for years this stopped me opening up myself as I thought it would be sign of weakness. In recent years, I’ve become much more comfortable talking about difficult emotions and believe this vulnerability has deepened my relationships. 10.. I love a chat with a stranger wherever I go. When I was younger, I used to be so embarrassed when my Mum did this, so it makes me smile that I have become her 💜 What are your strengths? Perhaps you considered some of them a weakness and didn’t appreciate the full beauty of who you are. So this week, I’m encouraging you to embrace all of who you are and celebrate your strengths and successes. As Arnold Beisser said, “Change occurs when one becomes what she is, not when she tries to become what she is not.”